


Drunk, Scrappy, and Aggressive; or, First Amendment Rights

by MenagerieOfDarkness



Series: American History Redux [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: American Politics, Anal Sex, Bottom George Washington, Boys Being Boys, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, First Kiss, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Voyeurism, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Penis Size, Police Officer George Washington, Porn Battle, Public Sex, Resolved Sexual Tension, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Top Alexander Hamilton, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:22:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28800528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MenagerieOfDarkness/pseuds/MenagerieOfDarkness
Summary: While drunk and alone at the nude spa, Hamilton never thought he would find love that day. But, when a familiar face comes to arrest him, he might think otherwise.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/George Washington
Series: American History Redux [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2122638
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	Drunk, Scrappy, and Aggressive; or, First Amendment Rights

On a Thursday night, Founding Father Alexander Hamilton found himself 2 shots of vodka deep, drunk and alone at a local spa. Despite his typical shy, submissive disposition, Hamilton actively sought out nudity when intoxicated, either from himself or others. And, lucky for him, the nude spa was still open. The spa in question had two sections: one for nudity and another where the male patrons had their finest 1700s swimwear on. Although Hamilton was comfortably lounging about with his Declaration of Independence out in full view, he didn’t seem to notice that he had drunkenly stumbled into the wrong section.

“Hey, gent.” A patron yelled at him from the opposite end of the room. “Put that thing away right now or go to the other room. I’m way too straight to see that.”

“The fuck did you say, good sir?” Hamilton stood up, spreading his legs out to display all of his full-frontal regions. His slender, moderately attractive face, was pinched into a deep scowl. “Do you not want to see my bush-whacker?”

“That’s it.” The man pulled out his 1700s cellphone.

“Hello, police. There’s a drunk, scrappy, and aggressive naked man in the non-nude section of the spa.” 

“What are you doing?” Hamilton tried to rush forward and swipe the man’s phone, but the massive weight of his cock slowed his pace, its sheer girth getting in the way of his legs. He was helpless as the man forcefully snapped the phone shut, a gleeful smirk on his face.

“Have fun in jail, old sport.” The man stripped off his bathing suit and strutted into the nude section of the spa. Had Hamilton been less drunk and less blessed, he would’ve sprinted out of there like the room was on fire. But, he knew it was a lost cause, so he sat back down and waited patiently for the officer to arrive.

Only a few minutes later, a man with an elegant powdered wig much like Hamilton’s approached the seated figure. Instead of the typical cop outfit, the man wore just a pair of Jean shorts and a thin, mesh tank top. But, he radiated so much bastard energy that Hamilton just knew that, not only was this man a cop, he was George Washington.

Hamilton hadn’t seen George Washington since junior high when Washington called his dick small in the locker room showers. Even decades later, Hamilton seethed with rage whenever he thought of that fateful day. Why he was even planning on asking him out just that morning, but once the boys started calling him ‘Small Schlong Alex”, he decided against it. 

“So you’re the police officer, Washington.” Hamilton spat out his name. “You’re not dressed as one.”

“I’m a sex cop, Alex. I take care of sex crimes, which,” he stared at Hamilton’s Magna Carta, “you seem to be very guilty of.”

“Don’t call me Alex!” Hamilton shouted, his booming voice making his loins quiver. “And the only thing I’m guilty of is having a good time, good bastard, sir.”

“I’m sorry, Al-“ Washington coughed slightly. “Hamilton. But I will have to arrest you now.” He pulled down his jorts, revealing his baton. It looked just as Hamilton remembered it in the locker room showers. Much smaller than his own impressive tool was currently, but just as attractive, like a Picasso of cock.

“And how are you going to do that, officer?” Hamilton stood up, allowing all of his Bill of Rights to be on full display. He saw Washington audibly gasp, obviously unprepared for and astounded by just how well-endowed Hamilton was. But, the man soon steadied his nerves, grasping his dick in two hands like a master swordsman holding his weapon. Hamilton narrowed his eyes and did the same, lunging toward the officer with all of his steel cannon.

The two battled like giraffes swinging their necks at each other, cocks colliding like swole lightsabers. This is like the Revolutionary War, Hamilton thought to himself. Only way more important because this one was longer and harder. Hamilton felt himself break a sweat as he dodged one of Washington’s fearsome blows. While the officer lacked size, he made up for it in agility, piercing the air just quicker than Hamilton could move. But, the drunk, scrappy man soon got the upper hand, whacking Washington in the knee so hard that he toppled to the ground.

"Stop resisting arrest!" Washington struggled on the ground like an oversized worm, but it was no use. Hamilton had completely overpowered him, something that was very arousing to the cop.

“Any last words, Washington?” Hamilton kept his Articles of Confederation at the sex cop’s neck, ready to pierce through it at a moment's notice. But, George Washington said something that shook Hamilton to his naked core.

“I’ve always loved you. Even since I saw you naked in the locker room showers in junior high.” Hamilton let out an audible gasp, dropping his heaving cock onto Washington’s chest with a thunderous flop. He had no idea what to think about this.

“Then why would you start that horrendous round of bullying about my cock size?”

“Because of my gay angst, Alex. I couldn’t stand that society would never accept me for who I was, so I took it out on you. That’s why I became such a bastard and a cop.” Hamilton sighed, knowing that the two were not mutually exclusive. Still, he felt himself grow warm at the thought of Washington returning his feelings, that perhaps his own love for the man never went away.

“Well, what if I told you you have been living rent-free in my mind since junior high?” Washington’s eyes lit up at that, powdered wig seemingly growing frizzy from the shock. He lunged forward and kissed Hamilton right on the lips. Hamilton kissed him back, fingers tangling with his mesh shirt. After a few seconds, Washington separated the two like the United States leaving England.

“I want you inside of me, good sir. But not here. This is the non-nude section, and you’re still naked.” Although Washington also had his Gettysburg Address out, he was wearing a mesh shirt, which meant he was following the rules, but just barely. Rolling his eyes, Hamilton relented, nearly dragging Washington into the nude section of the spa.

“Wait, what the fuck are you two gents doing in here?” The man from before screamed from within the room, suddenly assaulted by the sight of the two men tumbling to the floor, now completely nude since Hamilton quickly ripped off Washington’s shirt like it was made of dental floss.

“I’m gonna steal your Declaration of Independence, Washington,” Hamilton whispered into the cop’s ear, making the man grow as hard as the columns of the White House.

“Only if you can find my National Treasure.” Washington winked, stroking Hamilton’s throbbing Lady Liberty. Hamilton hoisted the Founding Father’s legs up, taking an eyeful of his ass. It was as pasty and flat as a wafer, but Hamilton was still turned on because all body types were deserving of love. He still had thicc ass energy, and that’s what mattered.

The stranger now huddling in fear at the display of potent gayness in his sad vanilla Puritanical nude spa gasped as Hamilton rammed himself into Washington. Dick on the inside. Balls on the outside. Just as it should be. He wanted to escape, but the two were right at the entryway. But, as he watched the display of pure erotic love in front of him, he felt something inside of him begin to stir. He grew transfixed, unable to look away if he tried. Not that he wanted to, that is.

“Oh, Alex!” Washington cried out as his body was mercilessly pounded like an oak tree being assaulted by a swarm of lusty woodpeckers. Lying on the wet floor of the spa, powdered wig surely getting destroyed by the dank environment, the sex cop realized that there was nowhere else he’d rather be. Even as he felt his bussy be shredded like CIA documents, he took it like the champ he was, wrapping his arms around Hamilton and holding him close.

“Gotta blast!” Hamilton ejected his Hudson River deep within Washington’s gaping monument. The cop swiftly came soon after, flooding the floor of the spa with his juices. The two laid there on top of each other before Hamilton slithered out of those cheeks like a python exiting its burrow and rolled onto the floor.

“Alex, I don’t think I’m gonna be a cop anymore. I think I want to be the president of this nation.” 

“Well,” a voice rang out from the end of the spa. The man approached the two lovers. With his Puritanical swim trunks gone, Hamilton could see two dicks emerging from his crotch, four perfectly round balls below them.

“If you’re going into politics, you’re going to need a Secretary of State, good sir.” He helped Washington stand up. Not Hamilton, who he glared at instead.

“And who are you exactly? You’re the one who called the cops, right?” The bi-cocked man grinned at that, sticking his hand out to shake the ex-cop’s.

“Thomas Jefferson. Nice to meet you, gents.”


End file.
